February 18th 2011: Disappointing Zombie uprising

The Wrath of the Zombies
, by Bob Cornell

She awakened with a start by all the noise they were making.

“Oh my God they are at it again!” she exclaimed after taking a careful survey out of her apartment windows. “They’re eating my petunias.”

They had descended upon the apartment building from a place known as Blu-berry Hill which was their stomping ground or home, if a cave bares any resemblance to a home. Like the petunias they feasted upon, they seemed to have a dependence upon a moist atmosphere and thus a cave was most appropriate. And as an additional attractive feature, the rent for this particular cave was very reasonable.

Being zombies, speed was not their forte, and the walk from the cave to the apartment complex had progressed very slowly.

There were about a score of them, and if you think that such a number of zombies would inspire terror rather than mere exasperation, you would be wrong. This variety of zombies were strict vegetarians to which the epitome of delicacies was a garden flower.

In addition to craving the living flower, our cave dwelling Zombies were known to be very considerate and courteous, mumbling pleases and thank yous through their rotten lips and tongues. Had they not been in the midst of decomposition, they would have been downright cuddly. It has been rumored that football teams and fraternity houses used cuddling zombies as an initiation rite, but that is a whole different story.

Well, on to more serious stuff.

It seems that while testing the safety of a newly proposed growth hormone, the Food and Drug Administration, riddled with corruption and unqualified personnel, lost track of the treated wheat, resulting in an America wide contamination of whole wheat products. Ironically, the processing undergone by white flour killed off the infection, leaving only the health conscious exposed.

This brings us to the answer to the question that you have been dying to ask, “Just what the hell is a zombie?”

In short, a zombie is a former human who after death, returned to a semi living state. No longer interested in their former human pursuits, they spend their undeath in search of anything that can quench their thirst for, in our case, living flowers. Meaning of course that they eat flowers until they are killed or decompose past the point of being able to chew.

This infestation was pretty minor, producing only a few thousand zombies nationwide. Some of those who were exposed to the wheat were able to treat the infection with a diet high in trans fat, though this was only successful when the exposure was minimal.

The fast food industry thrived. The health food industry took a hit. Nurseries were looted and flower stores were left abandoned – just in case. Musk perfume sales soared, floral scents lagged. For a short while, the nation stunk of rotting flesh and flowers.

*

Bob Cornell has been married to the same girl for 49 years. He is a college graduate. He has two daughters that live in the same general vicinity who have produced three inspiring grandchildren. He has written 6 non-fiction books which have not been published and has written for local newspapers. He loves to write and hopes that his stories are well enjoyed.


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2 responses to “February 18th 2011: Disappointing Zombie uprising

The Wrath of the Zombies
, by Bob Cornell”

  1. Czapiewski says:

    Playful zombie tale, fun and unexpected – thanks.

  2. Dalila says:

    This is why I only eat fast food.


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